(Mini) June Update from Vered
Summer Season
It’s here!
Check out this season’s lineup of CEUs.
All Ethics. All Free.
Note on AI: It’s bad. I don’t use it and you probably shouldn’t either. Even if it’s made of goats.
Agency points…in this economy?
But, why teenagers?
That’s a question I get a lot from friends. Enemies. Therapists and non-therapists alike.1
Why do you work with teenagers? Aren’t they…y’know…difficult?
In light of another legislative setback,2 I want to share a bit of why.
The dreaded TEEN
Since many people don’t have teenagers in their lives, I want to use a TV show for reference. In the show The Bear, there’s an episode called “Forks.” A character named Richie is shadowing for a week at a fancy restaurant. Richie’s a rough-and-tumble guy, down on his luck. He’s a divorced dad, taking a break from his work at a hoagie shop to learn some customer service skills before the sandwich joint becomes a fine-dining place.
Richie is a fish out of water in this place. His attitude and facial stubble stand in stark contrast to the refined sleekness of the establishment he is going to be spending the next week in. His first job? Shining the forks.
Richie feels demeaned and humiliated. He’s a grown-ass man, sent to the back of the restaurant to do what — rub a cloth over some already-clean dishware?
This is why he drove all the way down here?
As expected, Richie sulks. He does a shitty job, leaving the forks half-polished.
Until.
The guy he’s shadowing tells him to get his head out of his ass. Yes, this is the job. If you’re going to be here, do it right. Even if it’s not important to him, it’s important to others. He can either stay and respect the place or kick rocks.
Richie stays. And he starts to see how the place works.
Diners aren’t just people popping in for a quick bite. They’ve often waited for years, planning and saving for a chance to visit. And they remember their experience for the rest of their lives. The fork work isn’t menial — it makes a real difference to real people.
Richie observes more. Slowly, slowly, he witnesses the effect that this care and attention to detail has on the diners. He sees the patron’s joy, surprise, and delight — and he realizes he can be a part of that, too. He transforms from being detached and resentful to having agency to create good in the world.
When I’m working with teens, I don’t have to solve their problems. I don’t have to know everything.
What I really have to do is give them what I call “agency points” — areas of control and self-efficacy.
Richie started the episode with zero agency points. And then got one. And another. And after a certain threshold, he was able to generate agency points for himself.
Being a teen sucks. There’s not a lot you can control, tons of demands are placed on you, and you have few real choices.
Therapy can provide a space just for you. You decide what you talk about. You decide what questions to answer. And you decide whether to go or not. (I am in favor of teens firing their therapist, as it’s sometimes the biggest source of agency points available.)
I don’t see “teens as being difficult” so much as “being a teen is difficult.”
And when I approach teenagers with dignity and respect, teens can blossom before my very eyes. That is something I will never tire of witnessing. Working with teens and young adults is something that I actively choose, every day.
Therapist Volunteer Project
Help families released from detention
Spanish Speakers Needed!
The (creatively named) Therapist Volunteer Project has launched!
We’re matching therapists with clients of legal aid organizations, who have recently been released from ICE detention facilities.
We’re hearing from our partner organizations that there’s an increased need for therapists who speak Spanish.
If you or someone you know is interested in volunteering, read more about the program and sign up here:
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Monthly Hater’s Corner
Sources Regarding My Ire
a.k.a. please don’t sue me
1 Especially those that proofread my newsletters!
Until next time,
Vered