April Updates from Vered
Spring Season
Want to sign up for an upcoming free continuing education class?
Check out the full list of offerings at the link below!
Therapist Volunteer Project
Help families released from detention
Spanish Speakers Needed!
The (creatively named) Therapist Volunteer Project has launched!
We’re matching therapists with clients of legal aid organizations, who have recently been released from ICE detention facilities.
We’re hearing from our partner organizations that there’s an increased need for therapists who speak Spanish.
If you or someone you know is interested in volunteering, read more about the program and sign up here:
Chronic illness is…chronic?
The mortifying ordeal of being known
How I would like to be perceived
Humanity’s greatest flaw is opacity. Its second greatest is marriage.
If we were transparent, we would never be perceived.
And being perceived is bad enough, but it’s even worse when the beholder is our spouse.
We can’t avoid them! We’re absolutely going to see them later! Their bed is in our house!
In other words, my wife said I am too hard on myself regarding my chronic illnesses and now I gotta think about it.
I was surprised that she said I’m too hard on myself. I cancel things when I need to rest. I provide CEUs for free partially because there is more flexibility for me to pull out at the last minute. Doesn’t this all mean I’m actually very kind to myself?
No. (APPARENTLY.)
My wife can hear my self-talk, and apparently I was lamenting my frail human form a little too much for her liking.
Pictured: my positive self-talk examples
How else should I talk to myself?
I realized that I didn’t know.
I do not have any other models of chronic illness self-talk. I can’t think of phrases that are encouraging, powerful, or exciting when it comes to cancelling for ongoing health issues.
I had only seen two models of positive-cancelling talk:
Dealing with an acute illness so you can heal back to 100%.
Having a revelation that you’ve destroyed your life through overwork, so now you’re cancelling everything.
I literally have never seen “cancelling for a reason that is never going to go away because taking care of yourself is cool.”
This lead me to realize a new nemesis: the resilience-industrial-complex.
I’ve seen so many encouraging messages about rest, but they have all come with the explicit assumption that rest will allow you to go and do more things.
Resilience means you don’t have to stop for good. Ideally, you don’t have to stop at all.
I love it when a new parasocial beef is unlocked
You need to be resilient so you can keep going because if you can’t keep going, you’re experiencing a loss.
I allowed myself to rest, but I had never seen having to cancel as a joyous state. I let go of commitments, but I did it begrudgingly because I was giving something up. This is a loss. It’s sad…right?
No.
That’s more sneaky ableism. (APPARENTLY.)
This cat has also cancelled its obligations
Taking care of myself is better than doing something.
If there’s not language for celebrating cancellation, then I guess I have to be my own example.
This month, I affirmed the hell out of my mortal form.
I cancelled two CEUs because my body needed rest, which is really cool because I am bending reality to my own specific embodied desires.
I sent out my April newsletter on the 27th, which is cool because I told the Gregorian calendar to suck it. No monk is gonna dictate how I do things. I might just do a seance to tell Gregor (?) how dumb his invention is.
My body is a mysterious garden, and I’m constantly learning what secrets it holds. Trying to fit my needs into an existing framework is like trying to grow a coconut tree in the snow. It’s not the right garden, but there are other things that will grow.
Saying “no” to things isn’t just an expression of softness and gentleness.2 It’s a chance to exercise agency. I’m not “saying no to things by listening to my body” (a loss). I’m blasting a hole in the mountain to make an alcove in which to nap (a gain).
CEU Spotlight
Burnout
This seems like a great time to highlight my burnout CEU!
In a few weeks, I’ll be talking about burnout!
Will I attend? Hopefully!
If not, you’ll get a demonstration of anti-burnout practices.
Really, registering is a win either way.
If someone you know would benefit from any of the free CEUs, please share!
Showing Some Love
Book Drive for Kids
Book Drive for Kids is an organization that partners with Title I schools to provide a free book drive for students.
All students are able to select a book, for free, that they can take home.
I love that this program allows kids to choose what they’re interested in, instead of giving them something that may or may not resonate.
You can volunteer at a book fair, donate so they can purchase more books, or buy a book yourself from their wishlist.
Lots of ways to help kids learn and love to read!
I believe that a good children's book should appeal to all people who have not completely lost their original joy and wonder in life. The fact is that I don't make books for children at all. I make them for that part of us, of myself and of my friends, which has never changed, which is still a child.
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Monthly Hater’s Corner
Sources Regarding My Ire
a.k.a. please don’t sue me
1 This is a reference to I Know What You Think of Me
2 The “softness and gentleness approach” seems mournful to me. It’s not an exciting embrace of choice. It’s more like an acceptance of a loss, which is what I’m trying to dispute in the first place.
Until next time,
Vered